How Could You Not Turn Around
by Semperfrankee
Summary: Takes place around the time Harm goes back to flying
1. Default Chapter

Title: How could you not turn around?(1/2)  
Author: Semperfrankee  
Email Address: frankee806@collegeclub.com (feedback encouraged.)  
Rating: PG  
Classification: Vignette, Romance, Angst (Mac/Harm)  
Summary: This story takes place after Harm leaves to go back to flying.   
  
Disclaimer: JAG is the property of Paramount Pictures, Donald P. Bellisarius and CBS Television. (Gosh, I wish I was included!)  
  
Author's Note: This is Mac's POV. It may seem a little fuzzy at first, but once I release Harm's POV, it will all make sense.  
  
Sunday Afternoon  
  
Mac walks over to her bed and sits down, looking out of the only window in her apartment. She had stopped crying now, but only because her tear ducts had apparently run out of tears. She was still crying in her heart.  
  
Mac reaches into the drawer of her nightstand and pulls out the letter she had read everyday since she had received it two weeks ago.  
  
"Dear Sarah,  
  
Well, I should be back at JAG in about a week. I can't wait to see you waiting for me at the gate. I'm sorry it took me so long to say this, but I guess being away from you helped me realize how much I love you. Sarah, I know that when I return, we can make it work. Everyday, I just keep remembering the feeling I felt the day I left you. I never want to feel that way again. I want to spend the rest of my life with you.  
  
Love Always,  
Harmon Rabb Jr."  
  
Mac folded the letter and put it back in the drawer with all of the others she had received from Harm since he had left to go back to flying.  
  
"Damn! Why did you write all of those things, and then return and not mean them?"  
  
It had only been a week ago that Harm had returned. His apartment flooded while he was gone and he chose to stay with Mac.  
  
"Why did you leave me?"  
  
Mac picked Harm up from the airport late Friday night.   
  
"He looked so happy to see me."  
  
Harm had grabbed her and held her for so long. Once back at Mac's apartment, they had made love.  
  
Saturday had been perfect. Mac had noticed how Harm seemed a little withdrawn that day, but not enough to be worried.  
  
Sunday, when Mac awoke, he was packing.  
  
"I don't think that I can do this Mac."  
  
Mac begins to cry as she replays the words in her head. She had pleaded with him, but he only looked at her, cupped her cheek with his hand, and kissed her goodbye.  
  
"How could you not turn around and tell me you loved me?"   
  
"How could you not turn around and see me crying?"  
  
  
The End. This is only Mac's POV. The next one will be Harm's POV and will explain his actions.  
  
  



	2. How Could You Not Turn Around(2/2)

Title: How could you not turn around? (2/2)  
Author: Semperfrankee  
Email Address: frankee06@collegeclub.com (feedback encouraged)  
Rating: PG  
Classification:Vignette, Romance, Angst (Mac/Harm)  
Summary: Harm's POV  
  
Disclaimer: You know who they belong to.  
  
Author's note: This is Harm's POV to the first part. I will probably delve into the consequences of Harm's actions in another fic.   
  
Harm walks over to the edge of the deck. He pulls out the printed email. He had already read it once, but once just wasn't enough.  
  
"Dear Harm,  
  
I received your letter today, and I have been waiting on you to tell me that for so long. I love you too. Hurry back, because I can't wait to have you here with me. There is no other man that has made me feel this way. I pray for the day that I can become Mrs. Harmon Rabb Jr.  
  
I love you,  
Sarah M."  
  
"Mrs.Harmon Rabb Jr.?", Harm folded the paper and put it in his back pocket.  
  
"I love Mac so much, but I just don't know if I'm ready for that kind of commitment."   
  
Harm stands up and tries to shake his doubtful thoughts.  
  
"Okay, Harm! Straighten up! You love this woman.",   
  
"Yeah, but can I love her forever?"  
  
  
  
Friday Afternoon  
  
The plane ride had been especially torcherous for Harm. All the way to Washington, he had been thinking about Mac and their reunion. On one side, she was Sarah, an intelligent, beautiful woman that he could easily love for the rest of his life, but on the other side, she was Mac. His partner and best friend. The one that was unable to really enjoy life the way that he wanted to enjoy it. Harm always understood all of the horrible things that Mac had been through, and he was always there for her, but could a relationship work between them?   
  
  
Harm walks out and sees Mac at the gate.   
  
"She looks so happy. Damn. I do love her. Maybe this will work."  
  
  
  
Saturday Morning  
  
Harm awakes to the smell of sausage in the kitchen.  
  
"What the hell?"  
  
He gets up, puts on his boxers that were laying on the floor next to the bed and walks into the kitchen.  
  
"Mac? What are you cooking?"  
  
"Well, good morning sleepy head." Mac leans over and kisses Harm.  
  
"I'm cooking sausage and eggs."  
  
"Hello? Vegetarian over here!"  
  
"I know baby. The eggs are for you. Do you want me to cook something else?"  
  
"No, that's okay. I'm about to go for a run. I'll pick up something on my way back."  
  
After Harm returned from his run, they spent the entire day together. Even though, everything seemed fine, Harm just couldn't shake this notion.  
  
"This isn't the Mac I used to know. She just isn't the same."  
  
Harm couldn't exactly put his finger on the reasoning behind it, but something wasn't right.   
  
  
  
Early Sunday morning  
  
Harm had now been awake for the past 4 hours. He now knew what was wrong. Mac had turned to mush. She seemed weak and clingy, and Harm knew that he was the cause of it.  
  
"I can't do this to her. I cannot turn her into this person. I would rather hurt her a little now, than to not live up to her expectations later and hurt her even more."  
  
Quietly, Harm began to gather his belongings.  
  
"Harm, what are you doing?" Mac asks now awake.  
  
"I don't think I can do this Mac."  
  
Harm felt his voice tremble as he uttered the painful but true statement. As he saw the tears well up in her eyes, he wanted to grab her and make everything better, but he knew that he had to be strong for Mac's benefit. He couldn't let her see his weakness.  
  
As Harm packed his last bag, he watched Mac cry harder. It was killing him.  
  
She just kept asking, "Why?"  
  
He couldn't answer that. Not now. He couldn't explain to her how the thing that made him love her more than the others was her strength, and he sees that he makes her weak, diminishing the admiration he has for her. She just wouldn't understand. Hell, he didn't really understand it, himself.   
  
Harm approached Mac and said goodbye with a kiss.   
  
He felt his eyes fill with tears, but he had to continue. He couldn't turn back, no matter how bad he wanted to.  
  
  
The end.  
  
Okay, feedback please. I struggled with this one. I will go into Harm's thought process later. I think more probing is needed for this one.   



End file.
